Lately I have been in several conversations where I spoke about working on the “core” of me, so there must be something about this subject that keeps coming up. And then I saw this picture on Facebook and knew I had to write about it. This picture explains it all when you are dealing with pain, something I know very well. As a matter of fact, I have an honorary Ph.D. in pain honey!!! Let’s dive deeper…
Something to consider when someone is not responding to your texts, calls, invites, messages, etc., it may not be that they are avoiding you, unless you have been a butthole and put on silent for a minute :-). But instead of making their distance all about you, consider that they may be going through something and needed a break from distractions and the noise of life to work on their core.
I do it all the time when I feel overwhelmed with emotions. There is absolutely nothing wrong with breaking away. It makes me stronger to deal and cope with my life and all that comes along with it! So consider that they just may be:
- Distracted by a sudden life change
Death, new birth, divorce, marriage, moving into a new home, moving into a new state, moving into a new environment, joining a church, newfound fame … the list goes on and on… change is inevitable but it is not always welcomed so it takes some adjusting to. Give them space to adjust. Support if they ask for it, but the best thing you can do is not pressure or make them feel guilty for not putting your needs first.
- Working hard to make ends meet or make sense of their situation
As a single parent, I struggled for years to pay the bills and provide for my child. I worked two jobs while putting myself through college. I just knew I needed an education higher than high school to make the kind of money I needed to quiet the bill collectors. So I didn’t have time to party or hang out or shoot the shit. I had to work. And on those glorious days when my child had a sleepover or was away at camp, I let down my hair and partied like it was 1999…see how long that’s been?? I’m still using that statement!! hahaha …. Bottom line is providing for my family was, and continues to be, number one priority. I make no excuses or apologies. My friend girl says this all the time, so I repeat in her honor: Get Over Yourself.
- Too worn out to socialize
Didn’t you read my response to #2?? I was working!! And even today, when my child is now a young adult, I work crazy hours because I have now transitioned to taking care of myself and walking in my purpose. I am an entrepreneur now– different priorities and another shift in change that need more attention in the early stage. In addition to building my businesses, I am also working on my core — that sensitive spot in my heart that has been damaged from situations in my past life. I’m tired.
- Dealing with personal pain or illness
It is no secret that I was raped when I was a kid. I’ve written a book about it (It is Forbidden), I’ve blogged about it (www.mattersofmyheart.com), I’ve participated on panels and speaking engagements, and used other public platforms to speak on my past and how I was able to overcome it. I’ve stated numerous times that I am no stranger to pain. I know it very well. I’ve studied it. I know how to recognize when something is going on that I need to pay attention to … and I’ve learned what happens when you keep it in.
You get sick! Unspoken truths cause stress because you’re holding a secret. The core is damaged and you won’t speak about it. Causes stress and stress causes illness. What is on the inside, whether you acknowledge its existence or not, will manifest itself on the outside.
That’s how Matters of My Heart was birthed, from my pain. And now because I know how unhealthy it is to keep it in, I’ve developed an emotional support program under my business to help others speak their truth in a safe (and confidential) space. I turned my pain into purpose to help others.
- Tired of having to pretend to be okay around you when they’re really doing all they can to survive
Saving face … my second Ph.D. I am VERY good at that. I have mastered the art of hiding my pain. For the past two years I have endured a level of pain that makes you numb to anything and anyone else. And I kept going into my work environment with a smile and living as if I was not in the worst battle of my life! No one knew but a small number of people. That was because I went into survival mode.
I also went into protective mode of my heart. Not everyone will have my best interest in mind, but also, I was not ready to talk about it. I am still not ready to talk about it. It’s a tender spot for me. So even in all of the publicity I have been doing over the past few months, that is one area that is off limits. I will only share in an intimate setting, one on one, as God leads me to whom to share it with.
So survival mode, I am in full fledge baby! I am doing all I can just to get through one moment at a time! Helping anyone who wants to be helped as long as it does not distract my goal to work on my own core!
So there you have it. When someone is avoiding you, don’t make it about you. It’s about them and their decision to focus on working on their core before they can be of any use to you. Give them space and let them work it out. Trust me, you will love the outcome better!!