Matters of My Heart started as a blog for me. At that time, I had been in a trial by fire for about a year and I was in a very hurtful place. I still am in that situation almost three years later. Blogging became a source of therapy for me, but as people (strangers if you will) began to respond to my words, I realized that there were others in the same situation that I was in.
I don’t know about anyone else, but when I am going through a challenging time, I shut down. I shut everyone out, and I deal with it alone. It’s too hurtful and I don’t want to risk the opportunity to be hurt again.
Family and friends, out of good intentions, try to encourage and support me during those times; but because they are not in my situation, they often don’t know what to say. And most importantly, they don’t know what NOT to say. And they can say things that causes the pain to deepen. Not out of ill-will, but out of lack of knowledge and understanding of my particular situation.
As a matter of fact, the reason it was difficult at first for me to go to counseling was the mindset that they don’t have kids, so how can they tell me how to raise mine? I was stumped with the myth that counselors, therapists and psychiatrists are simply educationally trained dictators. They all say the same thing, which is just some words from a text book from college. When my life cannot be dictated by the status quo. My situation is different. I am different.
I am glad to say that I have now come to the realization that is really a myth. They have lives too. They are not exempted from temptation or tragedy. Though some of them are clueless on street smarts, some of them just may know what the hell they are talking about!
So writing became my therapy, as well as a professionally trained four degreed Christian counselor who has been in my life for almost three years! Oh yeah, I am on the coat tail of someone who has learned how to counsel me. Again, everyone is different. It is not a one-size-fit-all type of thing. And if it wasn’t for her, whom I took the time to research and choose someone who fit the bill for Jamie, I would not be where I am today. Out of jail!!!
When I first started therapy, I had so many anger issues. I knew where they stemmed from, but I did not know how to change how I felt. I felt as though I could not control it. Anger took over my entire body like a disease. Actually, that is exactly what anger is: a DIS- ease. And boy was I at unrest and unease!
The first thing she helped me to accept, after many sessions because I am a tough cookie to get through, was that my feelings were unreliable. So in every situation, before I react, sort out my feelings from the facts. That really took some time to adjust to!! I had to be deliberate in checking myself. And my switch was easy to turn on, so it was exhausting trying to stay angry when I was fighting not to get angry.
In the midst of that time, Matters of My Heart was birthed. Out of my pain. Out of my agony. Out of my hopelessness. Out of my hurt and crushed unreliable feelings. Out of all of my “nevers”, was birthed a platform that grew into something way more than I could imagine.
In a conversation of me explaining what I wanted to do with Matters of My Heart, a friend asked a question that catapulted into the campaign I am running today, “What do you do when never happens?”
What do you do when you never imagined being divorced from your true love, and now you are left desolate and alone and divorced?
What do you do when you are sexually assaulted by someone you thought were supposed to love you?
How do you pick up the pieces of your broken heart when the one you love doesn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved? And you finally had the balls to walk away?
How do you move on when you’ve been married for over ten years to the love of your life and they are taken from you by death? And death is a sting that cuts deep! How do you recover from losing a loved one?
In this world, we are surrounded by negativity, debt, drugs, violence, racism, perversion, alcoholism, and death. And those things can affect our mental health that can ultimately lead to our demise if untreated… anger, disappointment, despair, depression, confusion, hopelessness, fear, loneliness and even suicide.
THAT was where I had been over the past few years. And THAT is why it is imperative that I launch Matters of My Heart Emotional Support Program: Bridging the Gap: Hurting to HealingSM. A program designed for the hurt, by the hurt.
Here at Matters of My Heart, we deal with the core of you. We deal with matters of your heart. For that is where life begins. That is where decisions and behaviors are created and destroyed.
I know I am not the only one dealing with hard to talk about issues. I know I am not the first one to have ill feelings toward my own child. And I know I am not the only one who had to figure things out after divorce. Those are just a small sample of my “nevers”. I can go on and boldly say that there is nothing you can say to me that I have not experienced personally or seen with my own eyes. As the old folks say, “Chile I been around the block a couple of times!”
Let’s talk about it. Let’s do something about it. Let’s journey together towards the ability to smile again. It’s possible. It’s attainable. It will take work. You will go through the fire. But this time, you will NOT be alone. I will walk with you. Shoulder to shoulder.
There is life after pain.
This is my story (or part of it). What’s yours? Are you ready to fight to take your smile back? Are you ready to fight to take your life back?
Here’s my promise to you: You will NOT be judged. You will NOT be abandoned. You will NOT be left behind. You WILL be protected. You WILL be safe. And most importantly, you WILL be loved.
This is my calling. This is my purpose. Out of my pain was birthed purpose to bring as many as I can to this land of smiling again. And I am going to do that until the day I take my last breath.
Founder of Matters of My Heart, LLC