As a parent, you never really “expect” your child to rebel against you. You never expect your child to have flaws. You never expect your child to have challenges with mental health. You never expect your child to spaz out of control at a young age. You never expect your child to strike out against you. Besides, you’re the authoritative figure in his or her life. Why would they not listen to you? Why would they not respect you? You set the rules, and they follow them. And you have this expectation at least until they become a teenager because then is when they are expected to rebel. All teenagers rebel, right?
Well, imagine my shock when my child began this rebellious behavior well before her teen years! And it just escalated and worsened during her early teens until now in her young adulthood.
This blog isn’t about my daughter, though. It’s about me and my response to her actions. It’s about trusting the process. It’s about leaning not on my own understanding and desires of what I would hope for my child; but rather trusting in the process of the journey towards healing, both for myself and my daughter (who is no longer a child).
Mental health has become such a stigma in our society that it is difficult for those who are directly affected by mental health to receive the treatment necessary to cope with the illness. Resources are available for both the individual and their families affect by mental health illness, but “asking” for help is the stigma. Mental health patients are shunned from society and treated rather badly just because they are diagnosed with an illness that is beyond their control. So many go without receiving the proper treatment.
Therefore, my trust is not in the system of available resources, but rather in my inner strength, my faith. Several blogs I have written reference my faith. It has been my only form of stability throughout this entire process. For almost three years of intense emotional disturbance, my faith has been the only constant. When asked how I was doing, I would start off by explaining my feelings. But I also realize that my feelings are unreliable. So I would say, “Oh I am broken, I am hurt, I am confused…” but I would then come back and end it to say, “But GOD told me that no matter what I see, trust Him.”
So my faith has been the only constant in this whirlwind of feelings, pain, hurt, discontent, uncomfortableness, disturbing, roller coaster of a relationship for the past 2 1/2 years. With faith, I can trust the process of healing. I can trust that though it is out of my control, it is in the control of the One who truly loves me. God. #theend