Today, a very interesting question was posted on Facebook in a private group discussion: Are you born gay or do you choose to be gay?
Now, because this question was posted in a community of believers (I tend not to use religious dominations such as Christians, or Saints, etc.), I found it to be quite intriguing. Homosexuality in the church is such a controversial subject! Everyone has their own opinions and interpretations of the Bible. Before I share mine, I’d like to share some powerful thoughts expressed by some in the group. For privacy sake, I’ll call the one who posted the question, Ms. B; and one of the responders will be Ms. J. And me, of course :-). So after Ms. B posted the question, here’s Ms. J’s response:
Ms. J: Such a great question Ms. B. I used to think this topic was a black and white discussion, but it has a lot more specs of gray these days for me. And the depth of same gender attraction is bigger than a one word answer or response. I think some people make a choice based on their experience, hurt, rejection, etc., and once healed they choose differently, which is awesome. I think we all need to be our authentic selves, being free from past pain and personal assault… I also think there are persons who have had same gender attraction since childhood. I remember two little boys I used to encounter at church. Both boys had strong female “tendencies” from a very young age, and both sets of parents were believers and strong leaders in church. One father was a police officer and he did his very best to “toughen his boy” by putting him in sports and beating the living daylights out of him at any sign of “softness”; it was more like abuse, but no one called it that. I think everybody’s story is different, including the cause of everyone’s attraction. I pray for those who have had a change of heart and want to get out of their situation/relationship, and I pray for those who are facing new/old truths and don’t know what to do or who to talk to about them.
Ms. B’s response: Yes I agree it is NOT a black and white issue. There seems to be so much gray. I am reminded of the Sodom and Gomorrah story. I never got the sense that God destroyed the area because of the gay folks but rather the sin ATTITUDE. I agree that some choose and some are left without a choice.
My response: Well said by both ladies. These are the types of conversations we need to have in the church. I’m reminded of the scripture when the bible teachers questioned Jesus why He was having dinner with the sinners and His response was (paraphrasing), “I came not for the healthy but for those who need to be healed.” It’s not the “gays” who need to be healed; it’s those who lack knowledge of Who God truly is. His love and grace that surpasses all carnal understanding.
This thought-provoking discussion led Ms. B to begin a research project, studying the issue of homosexuality and how the church responds to this very relevant issue.
Personally, I’ve encountered both sides of church leaders being violent and angry towards homosexuals (even kicking them out of the church in the middle of service, or making them feel so uncomfortable that they would leave); and church leaders who embraced homosexuals because they are God’s children and they deserve the same love as heterosexuals. I’ve been in so many conversations with “Christians” (and I use that term loosely) who blatantly said, “I will never sit next to or eat dinner with a gay.” As if their shit don’t stink! Yeah, I said it. As if someone wants to sit with them and their nasty attitude.
No one is perfect; no one is better than anyone else; all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That has nothing to do with sexuality, but everything to do with your heart. For it is the heart of man (or woman) that God judges.
Stay tuned my faithful blog readers for the outcome of the research Ms. B is putting together. It’s a topic we need to talk about, and be completely honest and transparent about … it’s not a cut and dry answer; it’s not a cookie cutter; it’s not even a right or wrong answer … there are different perspectives, different stories, different reactions; but I can guarantee that it will provoke thought and self-reflection.
I would love to hear your thoughts. But please understand my blog site is a positive sharing environment. I’m quite sure we are all intelligent enough to relay our thoughts and feelings without discrediting someone else because of their lifestyle or choices. Name calling or judgment is NOT welcomed and will be deleted immediately. Take that to your own blog site. Thank you.