Jai Life, Overcoming Challenges, Pain, Relationships, Survivor, Truth, Uncategorized, Victim

Here I am again, sorting through my repertoire of notes, and found a really good one about sharing! First of all, please do NOT leave an open space for me to write. I have notes for days!! They are all around me, all over the place, which means I should not experience writer’s block. But I do. Even though I have notes, I have to feel inspired to write and share, which makes this note about sharing quite interesting.

Ok so enough with the rambling and let’s get down to it. It is my belief, as a storyteller, as a writer, as an author, that everyone has a story. Some easily share while others choose not to. The scariest thing about sharing our story is it opens us up, makes us vulnerable, and allows others in to a place that could be somewhat dark.

It makes us transparent and that thought can be terrifying. I know for me, I often think about what will they do if they really knew my whole story? What will they say? What if they use it against me? How will my family respond? How will my boyfriend react (if I had one)?

I know I am not the only one questioning whether or not sharing my story will open up a can of worms I am just not ready to deal with.  All of these questions and concerns are valid but also keep us bound to our story. The truth is the only way to be free from bondage of our story is to release it.

Now, I have a story within a story. My last relationship lasted five years. I thought I was in love. After about a year of dating him, I told him about my past of being hurt. He became super protective, which made me feel secure around him. But I began to notice that when we exchanged heated discussions, he would say very hurtful things such as, “That’s why no one wants to be around you, you’re a bitch. You’re still stuck in your past. Get over it and stop using it as a crutch to get me to feel sorry for you!”


He took my pain and inflicted more pain as a way to control me. It worked for five years. Until I began therapy and working on my core (my heart). I realized that I was a victim back in my childhood that carried over into my adulthood. I was accustomed to being mistreated. Until that fateful day of saying enough was enough dammit! Needless to say, he’s my EX.

The outcome of that relationship is that I no longer share my story with men, especially those that I am dating. I close it down, lock it up, bolt the door and put grenades on the outside. My ex-boyfriend was the last guy that I allowed myself to become vulnerable with. At this point, I am so closed off to venturing into another relationship by choice. I just have no desire to right now. I will date, but nothing serious.

My plate is full with starting my businesses, writing my books, writing books for others, and balancing the emotional rollercoaster of motherhood!

So back to sharing … I share my story with my clients, with my community, with my friends, with my support group, at speaking engagements, etc. But every time I share, I am compelled to share. I don’t just walk around telling everyone who will listen about my past.

No, it has to be the right time and the right person. The right heart that is ready to hear. I honestly pray and ask God before I spill the beans because everything I do must be guided by my Father. My story is vulnerable and if shared with the wrong person, I could end up in another world of pain. No thank you.

Over the years, I have learned this one important lesson with sharing:  you must be careful WHO you share your story with. Not everyone is trustworthy nor are they privileged to be allowed to see your vulnerability. I learned that lesson from my ex-boyfriend.

So if and when you decide to share your story, make sure the ground is ready to receive and hear it. Listen to your heart. That has been my #1 advice that I tell anyone … always listen to your heart. Not your feelings, not your head, not your friends or family … listen to your heart and govern yourself accordingly.

To share or not to share, that is the question!

Be well,

Jai the Author Logo

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