Since the beginning of July 2016, for the past three weeks, I’ve found myself in a place of the “nevers”. Let me explain. For years, I’ve declared that I would never live in Washington D.C. because I do not like it. I’ve had nothing but bad experiences in D.C. So I would get an attitude every time I had to go to there. I’ve declared that I would be single for life because being in a relationship is too complicated and I didn’t have the energy. I’ve found a space that I was comfortable and thus I can fully concentrate on building my businesses. Who needs the drama? So I’ve declared that no man could love and handle me right (we can break down that word “right” later). I’ve declared that I would never go back to church because they’ve hurt me so much that I’m over it. I’ve declared that I would never be OK until my daughter was OK, essentially saying that I would never heal from our broken relationship – declaring that I would always be in pain until she is fully and completely healed.
You see, I’ve “declared” over my life death. I’ve declared over my life limitations. I’ve tied God’s hands over my life by saying “never”. Rather than saying God can give me what I need to overcome my stinking thinking, I declared that I would rather avoid staying in DC, being in a healthy relationship, being completely healed in every area of my life… I denounced the very possibility of being free!
And in my ignorance, in my stinking thinking, in my broken heart, God STILL remained on His throne. He never got angry or upset or said, “to hell with that child, go on and do what you want to do, I’m over it….” God never left me. He never gave up on me.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
For years, without even giving it much thought, I had been leaning on my own understanding. I allowed my past experiences to shape my present and thus my future. I lived a limited life though I would speak life in others. I moved and operated in God’s spirit for the sake of others, but did not apply the same power, the same concept, the same understanding and wisdom to my own life. How is it that I could believe for others, but not for me???
Oh, but GOD!!! **Cue the music** He didn’t leave me there in that pit of doubt. That pit of destruction. That pit of limited possibilities. That pit of despair. That pit of anxiety. That pit of depression. That pit of darkness. That pit of blindness.
The other day, I realized that I am now in a place of my “nevers” being converted to a “yes, you can have”! I am now living in D.C. I am now in a relationship with a man that adores me; a man that declares that he will show me what love is all about (and he has); a man that supports my dreams; a man that loves my mind and soul even though we’ve only known each other for a short period of time – love at first sight? Yes. That is exactly what happened! This man found me and we are perfect for each other. He showers me with love, honor and respect – something that I wasn’t used to. We make each other happy.
I am going to church more than I’ve been going in the past. I’m still hesitate to join an organization, but my heart is open to visit; and when I go, my heart is open to receive God’s Word. That is HUGE for me!
I realized that I am not broken when it comes to my daughter. I realized that I have completely put my trust in God and I believe that He will heal my daughter when she allows Him to; and until then, I will continue walking in the purpose in which He has called me to walk (Matters of My Heart). Romans 8:30 says, Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
Also, over the past three weeks, I’ve been meditating every morning, focusing on re-centering myself and becoming unstuck to live a limitless life. You see what I am doing? I am taking action! I follow along a meditation challenge led by Oprah and Deepak Chopra. And, I kid you not, every morning the mantra and centering thought is exactly where I am spiritually!!! It speaks to my NOW! When my partner and I had a disagreement, the mantra spoke to that disagreement! And together, we decided to meditate and believe together. I’m closer to him than ever now because I am learning to let go of the past and live in the present moment.
When I felt depleted and in despair the other day, the mantra was to rest in comfort and ease in the present moment, allowing me to let go of my disappointments and realize that I do not have to be bound or weighed down by things I cannot control! It’s all about changing my declarations. I declare that I am completely free of my past.
So what am I saying? I am simply saying this: my mind is in complete reconstruction mode! I am abandoning my stinking thinking and returning to my main love – God and His Will for my life.
Is this huge undertaking easy? Absolutely NOT!!! I’m abandoning thoughts and behaviors I’ve conditioned myself to for years; so it’s going to take time to completely walk away; but meditating and seeking God’s face in everything is my key to freedom. And for all of the blessings of reversing my nevers, I rest in the present moment and I allow this man to love me unconditionally and completely. I allow the Spirit of God and His people to comfort me whenever I visit church. I will continue to walk in my healing and trust God with my daughter – for the power is IN THE WAIT (book coming soon on that).
I’ve learned that in my trust in God, I will declare life and not death. I will declare strength not weakness. I will declare authority to go beyond limits over my own life.
I will trust God. Now, don’t get me wrong, doubt will still show its ugly head every now and then. And in those moments, I return to my true love. I recenter myself. I recall the Word of God when it says in Psalms 91:1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. So in those moments where I feel myself slipping into doubt or darkness, I RUN to my secret place that only God knows about… there He meets me and fills me with courage and discernment and anything else I need to continue this fight. For the fight is really designed to stop me from walking in my purpose.
Thus I say this again, I will trust God. Everything I need is in God. When I’m depleted, I go to that secret place and call upon the Name of God for that thing I need in that moment. I’m confident that when I put my trust— my firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength– in the Name of the Lord, I get an army of needs being met. Whatever I need, whenever I need it, and however I need it, God has a Name that I can call on and submit to and be filled over and over and over and over again. His provision is unlimited. How awesome is that??? That’s why I can trust in the Name of the Lord; no one else has that ability to transform in so many facets at the same time for anyone at any time. He’s everywhere all the time for every need. There are billions of people in this world and God is everywhere. I don’t have to wait in line, or pull a number. It’s available to me upon request.
Listen to this song…listen carefully to the words…close your eyes and allow the words to soothe your soul, ease your fears, calm your doubts, and fill you with hope.