Randomness

Randomness

Jai Life, Truth, Uncategorized

As I writer, I have countless writings just lying around the house. Notebooks, notepads, tablets, journals, scraps of paper, etc… just everywhere. In every drawer… and don’t even get me started on my notes in my mobile phone or computer files… without noticing my bad habit, I will use any open space to write down my thoughts! (giggling)

So while going through my phone looking for a specific note that I knew I jotted down somewhere (the bad habit of losing my notes), I found this; and it was so profound, I decided NOT to edit it… I was preparing for an interview and I wanted to make sure I did not forget my answer, so I made a note (in the actual interview I went a totally different route!):

**START QUOTE** “I have learned to trust my vision. I no longer live by the seat of my pants, move with impulsiveness or as I call it “chickenhead moves”. Now, I move from visions or dreams. I see it before I see it or I’ll never see it.

I can’t explain it nor does it need an explanation. I am unapologetic & not a lot of people can understand who I am. Most of those who call themselves my friend disagree with 99.9% of my decisions but it doesn’t shake my foundation. There are more people who say that I am their friend than those that I actually call ‘friend’. Because loyalty and trust are two traits that I honor most, no matter who you are.

I don’t give a lot of second chances. I am not God. I hold everyone to the same standard by which I live. And it has been my life experience that has developed such a hard exterior. Only truth, honesty, integrity will get you in my innermost parts, the inner me. Not everyone gets that privilege of knowing me.

I wasn’t always like that. It was the abuse that caused me not to trust my inner being to everyone or anyone. It must be earned and maintained. That’s who I am. Accept me or not. Either way, it will not change me. Your opinion will not define me. Only what I see in my dreams. Only who God says I am matters. I am a visionary.”  **END QUOTE**

 

In the moment, I was simply saying that I am a complicated being. I am analytical, critical, yet thoughtful, until it goes against my core – the core of who I am. You see, it took me YEARS to get to my core. To learn my ways, my behaviors, my beliefs, my heart. And thus I am extremely protective of ME.

One could say it was the abuse at an early age that caused me to be protective… perhaps there’s a little truth in that. And then perhaps it is because over the years I have learned to love ME the way I deserve to be loved. In order for me to give love, I have to be love. That was hard work man!!! So ain’t no chickenhead is gonna come in and destroy what it took years for me to build!

 

– End of Randomness, thanks for being random with me 🙂 –

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