I was watching a movie last night called “Skinned”, and it about this young dark skinned lady who bleached her skin to fit in with everyone else. The movie portrays the challenges dark skin women face, how they are treated/mistreated, and in retrospect how this guides their decisions they make. It’s a really good movie and you can read about it here.
Now this movie made me think of several conversations I recently had with some of my girlfriends, acquaintances, and female community members. There was a common concern in all of our stories: we all had “something” that affected how we see ourselves.
As much as I would like to narrow this concern down to only women, I cannot. I know men have issues with their bodies too. But since I am not a man, I cannot speak on a man’s behalf. And let the men say, “I can dig it!”
Anyways, what I have observed is that women often single out something physically wrong with them. One may be she’s gained too much weight (and this is the number one issue by the way) or she’s too skinny; one may be her eyes are too big, or small, or dark, or light; while we are on complexion, one may be her skin is too dark, or too light; one may be her feet are huge and it’s hard to find shoes that fit well; one may be the veins in her legs show and it’s not sexy; one may be her teeth are crooked; one may be her butt is too wide, too big or not big enough; one may be she’s too short, or too tall; on and on… you get my point.
And because of these concerns, we as women make decisions to try to “fix” what we think is broken. And sometimes our fixing can lead to severe health issues. Some have even died on the operating table after a cosmetic surgery has gone terribly wrong.
I have said this same phrase about a hundred times in the past few weeks alone that the outside is just the result of what’s happening on the inside! My being fat is not the core issue, it’s what happened internally or mentally that led me to gain this weight.
My not being comfortable in my own skin is a result of something in my core (heart). It’s deeply rooted and it’s dark. It’s unrecognizable with the natural eye. That’s why most don’t even know to look to the core. They just figure because I eat the wrong foods, I gained weight. Or they figure they were just born ugly and malfunctioned.
Or whatever reason for the insecurity, it definitely ignores one thing: when you deal with the inside, the outside will work itself out.
Now, here’s my disclaimer: dealing with the core (or heart) takes TIME. How much time? As much time as needed. It’s different for everyone. Some wounds are deeper than others. Some don’t even exist except for in our heads. That’s another blog.
My point is there is always something about our physical appearance that makes us feel less pretty than others. That feeling of insecurity. That feeling, my love, is the result of something else at the core of you. Dig for that, whatever “that” is, then work your way out.
Time, patience and faith. You’ll need it. It’s gonna hurt like hell! But getting to the place where you “feel” pretty is hard labor. You’re not alone, so you don’t have to go through it alone. Find a mentor! Then get to work.