Pain Does Not Discriminate

Pain Does Not Discriminate

Jai Abuse, Happiness, Life, Overcoming Challenges, Pain, Uncategorized

In a world that quite often displays discrimination, racial divide, economic segregation, etc., there is one thing I can honestly say, without a doubt, that does not discriminate and EVERYONE is susceptible to: PAIN. Whether it is emotional, physical, spiritual, whatever … pain is not prejudice and has no color or gender preference.  Black or white, Asian or Hispanic, boy or girl, woman or man, fat or skinny, tall or short, red hair or blonde, homosexual or heterosexual. It doesn’t matter. Pain is pain, and if there’s one thing that I know thoroughly about is Pain.

Pain is what caused me to write my first book and start this blog. Although my life has experienced several elements of pain, I’m quite sure there’s so much more from which I’ve been protected. But the knowledge gained from my experience, I wish to pay it forward to someone, regardless of race, creed or color.

So the first thing I will tackle is loneliness. Oftentimes, pain will convince us that we are alone. No one understands. No one gives a damn. No one can help.  Well I’m here to tell you that survey says … THAT’S A LIE!! You are not alone. You are not worthless. You will not always feel this pain. You will live a healthy, pain-free life. But it does take work on your part. It takes you first accepting that it exists. That what you feel is real and may even be validated. And then choosing to release it. Release the hold. Release the negative thoughts. Release the power of pain. That is so much easier to type and say but it is hard work! Trust me, it took years for me to accept and release; but it had to be done. I had a daughter that depended on my being whole again. She needed me more than I needed the comforter of pain. Yes, we can be in pain for so long that we become comfortable in it. But there is someone who needs us more. Could be a family member, friend, significant other, a stranger in the grocery store, whomever. And it is our choice to either keep the pain and remain bound, or release and be free.

So practical ways of releasing pain (because I hate when someone tells me the result but not the steps to get there): (1) your faith – involve yourself in activities that strengthen your faith, whatever faith that may be; (2) gardening – it takes your mind off of your pain and you have to then focus on nurturing something else. To see something big and beautiful come out of a tiny seed is amazing. And to know it was your hands that produced that fruit (not being literal here). Now, I’ve NEVER done gardening because I have a green and purple thumb! Not my thing, but hey, I hear it works for others – those who are more in tune with nature; (3) therapy always help, but I do not recommend a therapist from your church community (yep, I said it church folks) – they are usually saying all flowery things and not being honest. Saying church slang such as, “let go and let God” … words that mean absolutely nothing to a bruised soul. They often judge and say that you’ve done something to cause this to happen. Again, not words you need to speak to a bruised soul. They have good intentions and thinking they are helping. They’re not and should just have a seat. Have several seats. You can quote the Word. The Word of God is power all by itself. But don’t try to fool me to think if I serve God that I won’t hurt. Survey says … THAT’S A LIE! You need someone who can be brutally honest with you, yet love you back to life. If they happen to go to church, so be it. I know I just pissed off a few church folks on that one. Oh well. Get your own blog; (4) journal or, if you’re really feeling fancy, write a book – it’s therapeutic for those who love to read.  My first book started as a personal journal. I had no intentions of releasing that to the public and opening myself to a world that can be cruel (remember, pain does not discriminate but the world does). But my message was more powerful being told than being kept quiet. And to my surprise, after I released my book, I learned that I was not alone! There were others, countless others, who can relate to me. A community, if you will. And it started from me choosing to write.

All of these things have one commonality: an outlet. That’s the bottom line. You need an outlet, a way to release what’s inside, and get it the hell out! That’s the way to release the pain. Talk about it in a safe environment. Whatever method you take, make sure that it gets out. These are just a few things. Others have done yoga, meditation, even shock therapy. I can’t make that choice for you. You have to find that way. I told you it was work. It won’t come easy. You’re disrupting something that has made itself home in your heart. It won’t leave quietly or easily. But you, as the owner of your heart, have the authority to evict pain from your heart, mind and soul.

Oh, and for me, when I was ready to let go of this pain, I intentionally selected a support group. Two people I knew that loved me and wanted to see me whole. They cared and continue to care about my soul more than my feelings. And when I asked them to be my support team, they without hesitation accepted the challenge. And they’ve been by my side every step of the way! They got on my nerves plenty of times, but they told me the truth and loved me through the rough times. Did I mention that it will get worse before it gets better? But a good, solid support team will know how to respond and how to act accordingly. No doubt. They are my rock and held me up when I was too weak to stand on my own. And for that, I am grateful.

So although pain does not discriminate or select certain people from a certain group, it does not have to make itself home in your heart. If you need more information, I would be more than happy to help see you through as my support team has done for me. I’m available for one-on-one sessions. Hit me up on Facebook, Twitter, Matters of My Heart email, smoke signal, etc. I’m here and, together, we will get through this thang! Pain will NOT live here anymore.




Java Dewd August 20, 2015 at 4:59 pm

Agree to disagree on the church community therapist thing, only because there’s a great guy who is _very_ honest and confidential who I’ve shouted out on various social media and is doing a great job. Understandable, though, if people choose not to use their church community therapist.


    Jai August 25, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    I respect your opinion and your experience. Unfortunately, my experience was not positive.


Melissa Bellinger August 30, 2015 at 10:16 am

There were so many points that just resonated with me. First, I love the topic. I have suffered from allergies, pale, sensitive skin my entire life, and as I’ve gotten older, even developed a couple of food allergies, and you do feel alone, like an outsider, or maybe I should say insider, unless you want to slather sunscreen all over yourself and wear pants and not sandals and a hat in the summer, because of course I am also allergic to nature. haha. As a child I was teased for not being able to tan. Which now, I am happy I took care of my skin, but at the time, the teasing was painful.

All of that background led me to the path I’m on now. Where through many allergic experiences and research, I feel that there an abundance of alternatives for just about every type of allergy, and some quite inexpensive, over the counter, non medical. I, like you, also dislike hearing a result and not being explained the steps to get there.

It’s funny to think that this journey started with an allergy to acrylic nail primer, and now I am working on my own website so it can include non-toxic household cleaning items, nutritious food and health improving vitamins, storytelling jewelry, and of course hypo allergenic nail products.

Thank you for sharing,
Melissa Bellinger


    Jai September 6, 2015 at 6:23 pm

    Bless you!


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