Sitting in my garage (or shall I say my “Zen room”) with my sisters, listening to music and sipping on a little somethin’ somethin’, and then my sister asked me to play this song by Fantasia. She says, “Just listen to the words.” And so I did and now I’m blogging, LOL. The words stirred up something in me to cause me to think about how we as women allow men to treat us in a disrespectful way just so that we are NOT alone. Ladies, why do we do that? Why do we put up with his lying and cheating ways? Why do we stay when he raises an angry fist? Why do we continue to cook for him, raise his babies, wash his clothes, clean his home, give up the nookies, cater to him and we get nothing good in return? When will enough be enough?
Women fall in love quickly and hard. This can be a good thing, and it can also blow up in our face. We (women) were created to be nurturers. It’s our innate ability to take care of others, especially men. Where do I get this knowledge? The only place I seek wisdom and build upon my own foundational principles: The Bible. It goes all the way back to the beginning of time. The very first book in the Bible is Genesis. In Chapter one, God created male and female and gave them dominion over all the earth and every living thing.
Genesis 1: 27-28 says, “ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.  And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”
Okay, let’s dissect this a little. In the very beginning, God made male and female to both equally have dominion over the earth and the living thing that moveth upon the earth. Not dominion over each other, but rather the keeper of the earth (till the ground, feed the animals, etc.). Key point. Let’s continue on to Chapter two.
Genesis 2:18, 21-24 says, “ And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.  And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.  And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Let’s pause here again. Again, we see the equality of both man and woman. They shall be one flesh. No dominion over each other yet. This was the beginning and God’s original intent for creating a woman. To be the “help meet” for the man. Which simply means what it says – help meet his needs. Now my dirty little mind goes straight to procreation! A man’s needs is sexual and the woman supplies that need. Then came sin, which defiled the very meaning of what God created to be good and turned it into evil. That’s when sexual promiscuity, rape, molestation, domination over each other began – when Eve convinced Adam to partake of the forbidden fruit. That’s in Chapter 3. But I want to specifically focus on the punishment of woman when God found out what she had done (by the way, God punished everybody who disobeyed Him – the serpent, Adam and Eve).
Genesis 3: 16 says, “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”
Ahhhhhhhh, now this is where it gets juicy! Now we are at the place of the husband given dominion over the wife by God. And due to sin and its nature, the man has really capitalized from that power – he ain’t even got to be the husband to claim rule over a chick! His desire for a woman has increased. One sometimes isn’t enough to satisfy his craving and the main chick (can I say “main though”?) is left with the feelings of neglect, desertion, abandonment, lonely, but yet still madly and deeply in love! She just can’t help herself. It’s a blessing and a curse. But the Bible talks about the husband having rule over his wife. Not the jump off, or the boyfriend, or the maintenance man, or any other status less than a husband. So ladies, there you have it. Unless he’s your husband, he ain’t got no power or right to control you or your feelings or your actions! And even if he was your husband, he still ain’t got no right to abuse his position. Point. Blank. Period. But the reality is, we give them that power. And yet, we suffer the consequences of that decision.
Fast forward to today, women now have an abundance of resources to provide insight on self-improvement. We have all of these self-help books, empowerment conferences, nonprofit organizations, groups, lyrical musicians, etc. to help women heal from a broken heart. And these resources encourages women to love herself; but the power of love can quickly turn to hurt, then escalate to anger, then escalate further to hate – and this hate spreads from this one man that did you wrong to all men. Then that’s when tires are slashed, clothes are bleached, joint bank accounts are emptied, windows of the new Mercedes Benz are busted, Facebook statuses are blasted with dirty secrets of the size of his penis, etc. You get the point. AND FOR WHY??? Because we made the decision to allow this man, who is not our husband, to control our emotions.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some good men out there. I know quite a few. So please don’t mistake this blog about male bashing. It’s not. It’s really just my random thoughts of how women, me included, allow men to treat us disrespectfully rather than setting boundaries on all of our relationships. Yes, men will rule over us, but it was not intended to be a rule of superiority or domineering and his title must be “husband”. The husband is the head of the household and he’s responsible for providing for the home. A man that does not work, does not eat. Now that’s in Genesis too (actually, that was the man’s punishment from God for being disobedient).
The moral of the story ladies is simply this, sometimes you have to lose the one who doesn’t give a boo boo to win the one who does. The Bible says the man and woman should cleave and become one flesh. That means work together on the relationship. You’ve heard the statement, “it takes two to tangle”? Same concept. Yes, I know what you’re going to say, “But I love him” …. In that whining tone. Get over it. Value yourself. Value your relationships. And make a joint effort. If he’s not willing to meet you half way, there’s another song that says, “drop that zero and get yourself a hero”.
That’s it. That’s all I have to say about the matter. I’ll attach Fantasia’s video for your listening pleasure. The words are quite powerful. Matter of fact, the chorus says:
Have you ever needed someone so bad?
But he ain’t willing to make it last
Sometimes you gotta lose to win again.
If it makes you cry, cry, cry
And all you do is fight
Can’t get no sleep at night?
Sometimes you gotta lose to win again.
You dig? Oh I’ve been there more times than I care to admit. But I’ve learn to lose one to gain one. #signingoff