During a recent event at the White House sponsored by ItsOnUs.org, there was an acapella group that performed a lovely song in honor of sexual assault awareness month, and a line in the song spoke to me, which lead to this post… “the ghost of you keep me awake”.
What really keeps us awake at night? Could it be our past? Could it be those things within us that we neglect to deal with, those things we refuse to face, those things that scare the hell out of us, that haunt us every single time we close our eyes?
I’ve been there. I was in my late 20’s when I began to remember every detail about my childhood when I was molested by my then uncle. I remember the nightmares that haunted my very soul that I would fight to stay awake. I didn’t want to close my eyes in fear of what I might see… what I might feel… what I might become. The ghost of my past haunted my dreams… haunted my thoughts… haunted my soul. And I just didn’t want to sleep anymore.
At the time, I was so angry with God, so I couldn’t pray. I had no one to talk to. I had no one to turn to for comfort. I was alone. I was scared. I was hurt. I was broken. And I didn’t know where to go or who to turn to. My very comfort blanket, my faith, was scattered. I was alone. Yes, I am repeating that phrase and for the sake of repetitiveness, I will say it again: I was alone.
I felt as though I was in this dark pit and no one could hear me. No one could save me. No one could reach me. I felt cursed by God. I felt so many things. And everything I “felt” kept me in that dark pit!!!
Have you ever been there? I was. I was in that space for at least five years. So I began to journal. I turned within. I began to write what was in me out on paper. Little did I know, I was facing my ghost. Little did I know, I was discounting and tearing down all of the lies I told myself. I was not alone. God was with me. As I wrote about my ghostly past, I began to see light. I began to see my life as if I had experienced an outer body situation. I could see clearer and I could understand my true purpose in life.
Yes, I was broken, but God was putting me back together again. Yes, my faith was challenged, but God was rebuilding a faith that is now unshaken and unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord. I was alone for a moment in time, so God could work in me a greater work, a greater mouthpiece, a greater movement. #SILENTNOMORE #MATTERSOFMYHEARTSupport a movement to speak out against #DomesticViolence! It is NOT OK. Click To Tweet
Thank you for reading!
Now, if you’ve ever felt alone in your life, share this post and let others know that they are not alone. There is more of us. There is more of you. We are one. And together, we stand stronger than ever before. Love you all.
If you are ready to write your story, visit http://jaitheauthor.com, my self-publishing company, and learn more about my self-publishing services!