“When you don’t have a vision or a plan for the future, your mind has no choice but to dwell in the past.” – Dr. Steve Maraboli
I remember the feeling when I held my very first book that I had written, It is Forbidden, in my hand for the first time. It was an emotional moment because in my hand was a “tell all” book. I was about to publish to the entire world a blow-by-blow account of a traumatic experience that occurred during my childhood. Though there was a sense of accomplishment for completing the book and looking at the final product, there was also an enormous amount of fear.
As I sat on my living room couch staring at this book, so many thoughts went through my mind. Mostly about how my family would respond… how my friends who did not know about my past would respond… how my daughter would respond… how people would see me from then on… fear.
But then, I remember what God told me when I was in Kenya a couple of years earlier. He told me that I would be the voice of the child crying in the dark. He told me to put the story out because it was going to heal someone. I would never know who that person would be and I would never meet him or her, but they existed and that book was for that one person.
God had a plan for my life before I was born. He had a purpose for my life before I was conceived in my mother’s womb.
I did not understand that through the years of one painful experience after the other. I didn’t understand that through my divorce. I didn’t even understand that through my child’s defiance. Part of me still do not understand why ME.
At some point through it all, I stopped questioning why ME and just surrendered to my call…. my call to serve. That was God’s vision for my life.
Had I stayed in that place of fear of what others would think of me or how they would treat me, I would not be a bestselling author today. I would not be releasing my third book and launching my very own self-publishing company today. A company built to tell stories of others. A company built to be the voice of the child crying out in the dark. God’s plan for my life has manifested into Matters of My Heart and Jai the Author Publishing. Two companies created to serve. And I accept my call.
If I continued to question God, my mind would continue to dwell on the past and all of the pain that came with it. But when I take my mind off of my past and focus on my future, I see plainly that my steps have been ordered by my Creator. And when I focus on God’s plan for my life, the pain hurts just a little lesser. I like that.