Eyes Opened, Heart Crushed

Eyes Opened, Heart Crushed

Eyes Opened, Heart Crushed

Jai Emotional Support, Faith, Happiness, Life, Overcoming Challenges, Pain, Survivor, Truth, Victim

What do you do when you find out the person you’ve known your whole life was really not the person you thought you knew? What do you do when you find out the person you loved with all of your heart and soul was not perfect? That they did some things that were less than humane? That they hurt other people that you loved? That they had dark secrets that were exposed years and years later? And that those dark secrets rocked your entire world? Those dark secrets set you back to your own place of brokenness? Those dark secrets triggered your dark secrets.

What do you do when everyone you know knows that secret but walks around as if nothing happened? And leave you feeling like you’re all alone in some twilight zone? You start to feel like you’re going crazy. Is this real or is it a nightmare that you just cannot wake up from? What the hell is going on? Your mind begins to spiral out of control, which leaves everything else in you spiraling out of control. And then you end up on this emotional rollercoaster, spiraling out of control!!!


Truth moment: I’m an emotional eater. I eat my pain away. And I know that the little bit of ease the food gives me is only temporary and the pain will return. It’s that dark, ugly monster hiding in the darkest corners of my bedroom. That monster that waits until I close my eyes before it attacks me, sits on my chest, and squeeze as hard as it can until I can’t breathe and I can’t scream for help. That monster that keeps reminding me that I can’t escape this dark.

Another truth moment: That dark monster is me. That dark monster is all of the secrets I’ve kept over the years. All of the pain I’ve avoided until I can no longer ignore its existence.

I’ve tried everything I knew to try to kill that monster. I’ve tried to sex it away. I’ve tried to prescription pill and drug overdose it away. I’ve tried to bury it deep in the back of my mind away. I’ve tried to suicide it away. I’ve tried to work it away. I’ve tried to beat it away. I’ve tried to cut it away. I’ve tried to drink it away. I’ve tried to smother it away. I’ve tried everything and the damn monster didn’t go away!!!! Until I confronted it. You can't heal what you can't confront. Click To Tweet


I AM NOT PERFECT. No one is. Perfection is an illusion never to be attained but always to be desired. What the hell is perfection anyway? Who would want that life? Who would want that pressure of always living up to someone else’s expectations? Me. I did at one point. For years, I’ve tried to please people. Because of my own pain, I’ve tried to win others acceptance of me. I couldn’t take being abandoned again. I couldn’t take being neglected again. I couldn’t take being taken advantage of again. I tried so desperately for people to like me. I thought, “if I made them laugh, and gave them all of my money, they would like me.” That was so far from the truth and from reality. The reality was I needed to like my damnself! You can’t heal what you can’t confront.

Confronting the dark secrets of your past is not easy. It’s scary. It’s nerve wrecking. It’s panic attack and depression worthy. And it’s the only way to heal. To heal from the pain, you have to feel the pain, then release the pain. It sounds stupid as hell! You mean to tell me that the only way I can get rid of this pain that I don’t want anyway is to do the very thing I’m afraid of??? Sounds ridiculous!

Bridge the Gap: From Hurt to Healing was designed to help you heal in a safe environment – in a space where the pain can easily and freely release its hold on your heart. Healing is a process. The BTG program focuses not only on healing from the past pain, but also how to use the steps of emotional healing to produce emotional fitness. The steps taught in the program are repeatable for every and any situation that will ever happen. It’s a rinse and repeat cycle. You can apply it to any emotional pain point and achieve the same results of emotional healing.

So, just as I had to make that decision years ago to confront my pain, that dark monster hiding in the closet of my bedroom… So is it time for you to decide. Are you ready to heal? Are you ready to sleep peacefully? Are you ready to stop hurting yourself and others? Are you willing to learn healthy coping mechanisms on emotional healing and emotional fitness?
I made this short video to invite you to join me and other survivors on our healing journey. Please watch it, it’s less than 6 minutes long. And I will see you on the inside of your healing journey!


Love you to LIFE,

Founder, Matters of My Heart, LLC

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“My past does not define me, it refines me.”



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