You Don’t Do That, I Won’t Do This

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You Don’t Do That, I Won’t Do This

Jai Life, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized

I always have the most amazing conversations with my friends! I mean, it’s not your typical superficial trade of words where one is talking while the other is just waiting to say their piece; thus it ends up to be an exchange of worthless words. Some people talk just to hear the sound of their own voice. I can go further, but I’d rather write because I love to read my own written words, LOL (laughing out loud). Get it? I just made a jokey joke! I crack me up and yet I’m still rambling on and on.

I digress. So listen, in the midst of a conversation, my friend was doing something in the background that caused a loud noise in my ear. One of the most irritating thing for me is when I am on the phone with you and you hold full on conversations with someone else! Or you’re preoccupied with something else to focus on the conversation. I mean, that is RUDE!! Just get off the damn phone, wasting my unlimited minutes, and handle your business. It irritates the hell out of me. But whatever, I know how to end the conversation. #byeFelicia

Anyways, I guess he didn’t realize that whatever he was doing and moving around was right next to his speaker and it was loud. So I snapped, “WHAT are you doing?” The “what” was the only word I gave emphasis and flavor to this time, so I didn’t think it was that bad. He immediately heard the irritation in my voice and stopped what he was doing. Then he said, “I knew you were going to do that.” And we both laughed.

I caught my attitude. Yeah, I know, I’m growing up, LOL. Anyways, we joked about how I can go from 0 to 100 real quick and I jokingly said, “Well if you don’t do THAT, I won’t do THIS!” Then I had my Aha moment!

I see this a lot with married couples who have this attitude, though they may not say it with these exact words, this is their whole stance on the situation: I won’t show my ass if you don’t show yours. In other words, keep it together and we can keep it together. But if you come for me, I’m coming for you stronger, harder and longer (women hold grudges that last for years!). It’s a tit for tat.

And thus it never ends. Every little thing becomes a big thing. So on and so forth.

When I was married, my husband would do something that pissed me off, then he would apologize. He felt that because he apologized, I shouldn’t be upset anymore. And I had to remind him that it’s not that simple. You may have apologized, but I still have to process these feelings of wanting to pop you in the eyeball with a wet spitball. So until that anger subsides, you stay on that side of the room, for your safety! I’m just saying.

We’re divorced now. But perhaps that is because at that time, I was HORRIBLE at dealing with anger, suppressing how I was really feeling, and unable to communicate effectively. My communication involved yelling and screaming to the top of my lungs, slamming doors, running out of the room, etc. I blamed my husband for my anger and snapping tongue. I kept saying, “if you didn’t do that, then I wouldn’t do this!”

That mentality doesn’t work well in a marriage or any relationship. Take it from me. Grow up.

When you know better, do better.

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