“Fake it until you make it” is often said to people who are not where they want to be in life or something to that effect. Some may think being “fake” is a bad thing… until being fake is the only option you have! I say fake it until you make it. I did. Let me explain.
Mary J Blige’s My Life song (video posted below) says, “If you looked at my life, you’ll see what I see.” Not to tell her story, because no one can but her, Mary has publicly shared that she is a survivor of intimate partner violence. This song, if you listen to the words, tell the story of my life at one point:
If you looked at my life, you will see what I see. Oh you will see I’m so blue, down and out, crying everyday, don’t know what to do or to say.
My Life is a song of empowerment that you can overcome any challenge or obstacle in your life if you just believe in yourself. Sounds familiar huh? I’ve been saying the same thing in my messages… using my life as an example of triumph and resilience. Not to brag, but to empower, to encourage, to uplift and to push you to stretch beyond your limits.
My last video talked about my dark moments and how I was able to overcome them. To recap, it took me making a decision that I wanted better for myself, then taking action to get better, both mentally and spiritually. I was severely emotionally damaged. Severely. I didn’t see anything but pain. I didn’t feel anything but pain. I cried a lot. A LOT!! The ugly cry too. I wanted to die. I honestly felt dead inside.
If people really looked into my soul during that dark period of my life, they still wouldn’t understand. But I felt that Mary J Blige understood. She wrote a song from the depths of my soul. I was so down and out. I was so broken. So the period before I made that choice to better myself, I made another choice prior to that one. I chose to fake it until I made it.
I faked like I was whole. I faked like I was happy. I faked like the pain didn’t run or ruin my entire life. I faked it so that people around me could not tell the internal hell I was going through. They saw someone who was always encouraging and helping others. Even in my brokenness, I wanted to make others smile. The pain only creeped out when I allowed men to get close to me in an intimate relationship. They were the ones who really saw the ugliness of my pain. So I avoided those as much as possible.
So, and yes, I realize that I begin a lot of my sentences with “so”. SO!!! Sooooooooo, what I say to the hurt, to the hopeless, to the broken: Baby, you can fake it until you make it. It is OKAY. I give you permission to fake it until you make it. You have every right to feel what you feel. You have every right to be angry, sad, hurt, confused, depleted, or tired. You have every right to act and think and behave the way you do. You are broken honey… that’s normal. So until you are able and strong enough to make the choice to let go and be better, fake it until you make it. Until you are able to seek professional help, to hire a support team, to move in your purposeful life (because you are here for a purpose), fake it until you make it.
Smile when you feel like crying. Laugh when you feel like balling up into a depressive state. Go for a walk and smell the fresh air when you don’t feel like getting out of bed. Force yourself to be who you want to be… free from the pain of your past. Free from the dark cloud of ugly thoughts. Free from the horror of that tragic moment that replays in your mind constantly. Fake it.
Because I faked it until I made it, now I live on purpose. Now I live with purpose. Now I smile through the storm. I am no longer bound by my past. I am no longer captive of my pain. The dark nights no longer haunt my soul. I am free, but until I became free… until I took action and sought professional help for emotional healing, I faked it. I faked like my life was the way it is now. That was my only option of survival.
Love you to life,
Founder of Matters of My Heart, LLC