We are taught early on in life as a kid how to keep secrets. “Shhh, don’t tell anybody. This is our little secret,” is what we are told. And, as any kid, we think of secret keeping as a fun game. You mean to tell me that I know something that no one else knows? Yes! So, of course, we are eager to keep the secret. Nothing wrong with that, right?
Until we grow up and that secret keeping skill, or learned behavior, ends up killing us or someone we love. I know, I know…Jai, you’re so dramatic!!! Well, let’s just explore how keeping secrets can sometimes not be a good thing. Journey with me, if you will:
In church, Deacon Jackson is the most loved deacon on the board! He’s kind, sweet, compassionate to the members, always lending a helping hand to a family in need, trustworthy, the first one the Pastor calls to pray for the sick and shut in… an all around great guy. The kids in the church just loves when he visits the Sunday School class with a bag full of sweets. He’s there every Sunday, Bible Study night, choir rehearsal and prayer time. Dependable, reliable, loving. His family is just as loving, except they are always quiet. Not as outspoken as Deacon Jackson. Well-mannered and polite.
Behind closed doors: Deacon Jackson chokes his wife out for smiling at another deacon in the church earlier that morning. She simply returned the smile and handshake to the other deacon, but Deacon Jackson specifically told her to keep away from the other fellas in the church. She didn’t listen, so he had to teach her a lesson when they got home. His children knows not to get out of line in public either, because he spares not the rod. The Bible says, “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” Deacon won’t have any spoiled brats in his household! If they get out of line, he knows just how to get them back in. Matter of fact, he has a thick board paddle in his home office with their names carved in it. Pull the pants down and whack their naked behinds until it’s blistered and scarred. If they can sit after a good beating, he didn’t do it right.
Behind closed doors, he’s a mean, ornery bastard! If his wife doesn’t have dinner on the table at 5:00 p.m. on the dot, she gets a good swift kick in the stomach and sent to her closet for prayer time. All night long. No bathroom breaks. No food. No light. Just a cold, dark, tight-spaced closet. And she better not move or make any sounds. Thank goodness for makeup!
Mrs. Johnson is the best principal Holly High School has ever had! She’s been in charge for about five years and her leadership has transformed a rowdy high school of underprivileged teens to well-disciplined and high performing citizens in the community! She’s built three local teen community centers with her own money; sits on local school boards; well known philanthropist; even published a number one bestselling book on child rearing! She’s the best and all the kids at her school and surrounding schools just love her. She’s strict and means business, but they know she loves them and would do anything to make sure they succeed.
Behind closed doors: Her children are afraid to sleep at night. She’s been sexually molesting her oldest son since her husband left her a year ago. So what he’s only 15 years old. It’s time he learns how to be a man! A real man! He’s the man of the house now so he needs to know how to be one dammit! He needs to know how to please his woman. How a woman tastes. How to make her moan loudly. And if he doesn’t do it right, he gets a hard punch to the chest or a spit in the face. “Man up!” “Don’t be a weak b***h!” “You are good for nothing! Why didn’t I just abort your dumb a**!” And a lot more cruel words are spewed at the young lad. Better watch porn and get it right the next time.
And her 9-year-old daughter is not getting a pass just because she’s a girl. She needs to know how to be a woman. A woman’s place is to keep the house clean and dinner on the table. Dirty clothes need to be washed, folded, and neatly put up every Saturday morning. Being timely is a skill set learned early. A good woman never talks back. Disobedience and laziness will not be tolerated in Mrs. Johnson’s territory! Fall out of line, burn dinner, dirt spot on the floor… all of those will get you tied to the bed in your birthday suit and hit five times with a whip. Keep your mouth closed!
Behind closed doors, Mrs. Johnson is a spiteful, resentful, angry drunk. No one sees that she’s drinking alcohol and popping pills like candy. No one sees that she treats her kids like dirt. No one sees that she hates herself, her own kids, and those begging, needy kids at her school! They are all brats and she hates her job. But they will never know. They don’t need to see her weakness. She can’t show weakness. Not to anyone. She has to be in control. She will be in control. She will run this town for as long as she is breathing. She will show her husband just what he is missing. He will come back begging for her one day….one day.
Behind closed doors….
Keeping secrets can work for us, or against us. Here’s how you know which secrets to keep and which to speak out on: if the secret causes hurt, provokes fear, or engages wrath upon you or someone else, SPEAK OUT!!! Spill the tea as the young folks say. You just may save a life….yours! These types of secrets are soul damaging and life threatening.Never judge a book by its cover because you never know what story lies inside. Click To Tweet
You have to know that you are worth more. You deserve better. You are not alone. You can survive and thrive. You can live a life free from pain and abuse.
If you, or someone you know, are a victim of domestic abuse, please reach out for help! Call the confidential and anonymous National Domestic Violence Hotline, available 24/7, at 1-800-799-7233; or visit www.thehotline.org.
Love you to life,
Founder of Matters of My Heart, LLC
For Jai’s books, click here
“My past does not define me, it refines me.”