Since I decided to go public with my story, I have encountered numerous people from all race, faith, intellectual background, economic status, sexual preference, etc. who either experienced or knows someone who has experienced the same tragic situation. I’ve also had conversations with those whom never experienced or known someone who had experienced such a traumatic experience. And my conversation to both sets of people has remained the same. The message is the same. And it is that message that I want to convey to the world. This message was not given to me by any book, or psychologist, or counselor. It was my personal experience and revelation through the painful process to wholeness that I’ve gained this perspective on the “Aftermath” of being raped as a child. So let’s chat about it!
There are three outcomes of anyone who has been molested, raped, humiliated, neglected, abandoned and just plain mistreated as a child: Either (1) they remain the victim – which means any relationship they have will be abusive; (2) they become the abuser – because that is all they know and it becomes cyclical from generation to generation; OR (3) they become the survivor – they make a conscious decision to not allow what happened to them destroy them completely. They realize their self-worth and work through the pain to become free from the stain of being a victim of abuse. Now category #3 can be broken down even further. The survivor could choose to remain free and silent (meaning they have worked through the pain but want no parts of ever talking about it again) OR they become an active advocate of those who are going through the same thing. They become fighters, but not in the violent/abusive sense. They become strong, feisty, relentless … almost bullies to the bully. In fact, I would consider myself a bully when it comes to protecting the innocence of a child, or young person, or old person who is too afraid to stand up to their abuser a.k.a. bully.
For years I’ve struggled with my identity; with my purpose in life; with my sexuality (you have to read my book on that one); with my relationships; with my faith. And when I say years, I mean YEARS. And through the years, I’ve learned so much. I literally feel as if I was torn down, stripped to nothing, just to be rebuilt all over again. But I’ve always had the same question, “Why ME?” Have you had that same question?
The Aftermath of being abused as a child, regardless of which category you fall into, is cyclical. One of the three will happen and happen over and over again. But the good news is that it is YOUR CHOICE. You can choose to be the abuser, or remain in abusive relationships, or be the survivor who remains silent and just wants to live a “normal” life (whatever the hell that means), or join all the nonprofit organizations designed to prevent domestic violence. Whatever, it’s YOUR CHOICE. And that choice thing is something no one can take from you.
Unfortunately, I can’t spend more time on this subject in this one blog. It’s so important and it needs to be talked about in every classroom, counseling session, cafeteria, board room … you get the point. I even think I’m going to start a series on the Aftermath to delve deeper into each category separately. Oh, and they are interchangeable. You can be a victim one day, and then decide that you won’t be the victim anymore and start fighting back. Like Tina did Ike in that limo! J Let’s see who all catch that. I’ll end this blog with this: the most powerful choice you can make is to be the survivor who realizes that this “fight” is not physical – it’s a spiritual warfare and you have to have the right equipment on to fight and win! #armor #battleready #fighttotheend