To My Children

Dear Elijah, Anyah, Amari, Xavier,

 

God chose me to bring all of you into this world.

Sometimes I wonder why He chose me.

I was a young mother.

Making MANY mistakes.

I often feel regret.

Because you were brought into my instability.

I was looking for love.

But found it all in the wrong places and people.

I couldn’t see that love was right there in my face.

In the faces of the four of you.

I am deeply sorry.

All of you deserved so much better.

You deserved a very present mother.

I was there but not there.

I was stuck in my own darkness.

My mother instincts were barely kicking in.

But in spite of it all, the four of you are absolutely amazing!

You guys inspire me.

Your hearts are so pure.

The love you have for me.

I dont derserve it.

The continents are waiting.

Waiting for your footsteps.

Your hearts will touch other hearts.

I am so proud of each of you.

The future is very bright for each of you.

I ask that you will allow me a small space in your hearts.

I pray that my life has taught you what not to do!

Learn from my mistakes.

Help others.

Be joyful.

Be whole.

Laugh.

Love.

Live.

I pray that each of you can find it to forgive me.

You guys are the true MVP’s!

 

Love,

 

-Mom

 

 

 

 

Teen Mother

I became pregnant at 18 and a mother at 19.

Scared and filled with fear.

Fear of our future.

The life inside me growing daily.

But worries filled my space.

A boy the nurse told me.

Happy and sad.

Would I be left alone to raise him?

A boy needs his father.

To teach him life.

A mother’s love is sometimes not enough.

It was meant to be a mother and father.

But life has a way of creating a new norm.

A teen mother figuring out this new life.

My water broke.

Contractions.

He was birthed into this world.

And I was birthed into motherhood.

Seeing his tiny little face.

Made it all worth it.

 

 

 

The Struggle

The flesh is weak.

The world feeds our flesh.

The word feeds our Spirit.

There is a battle daily.

Who wins?!?!

Flesh brings death.

Spirit brings life.

Are we living or dying?

Do we choose Jesus?

Or do we choose them?

My heart is beating.

But who is it beating for?

I desire Him.

But I am far away.

My anchor gave way.

I have drifted.

There is hope.

The beams from the lighthouse has reached me.

Daily I must not give in to the lies.

But allow Truth to guide me home.

 

 

Sunset

I awaken to the sun that sets upon my face.

I am being kissed by the dawn of a new morning.

My tears have dried.

New mercies today.

I sit on the porch gazing into the sunset.

His light shines into my darkness.

Oh the beauty of his handiwork!

As the sun arise I arise to life.

A life worth living in Him.

 

Tragedy of the Heart

To have lived and not loved is a tragedy of the heart.

Love is learned.

Parents get the role to teach their offspring love.

But what happens when love is lost?

There is a God size void in the heart.

A void only He can fill.

But we tend to fill it with everything but God.

Now God has to compete for our love.

When He has freely given it to us.